When doing a program on conflict management, I’ll often ask people what words come to mind when they think about conflict. Typically responses include: frustrating, stressful, anger, upset, fear, and anxiety. Participants, when asked to characterize their responses, almost always describe them as negative. At the same time they almost always give a few words that could be viewed as positive such as: opportunity, growth, and resolution.
From 2003-2005 we asked people being certified in the Conflict Dynamics Profile to share words that described conflict for them. They shared over 170 words which depicted a wide range of attitudes towards conflict. Most of them were negative but a number were positive.
List of Words Used to Describe Conflict:
acceptance always there ambivalence anger
angst annoying anxiety anxious
argue assertiveness attitude avoid
avoidance balance banter barriers
battle beneficial best solutions bogged down
bring it on build up calm cautious
challenge change chaos collaboration
comfort zone communication compatible complex
confrontation confusion control constructive
conundrum costly courage creative tension
creativity curious debate defense
delay destructive differences different opinion
difficult disagreement disappointment discomfort
discontent disharmony disruptive disturbing
disunity diversity draining dynamic
educate elevate emotional end
energizing engagement enlightening equality
essential exciting exhausting fascinating
favoritism fear fearful fight
focus freak-out fruitless frustration
fun growth grueling harmony
hate heat hide high energy
honesty hostility hurt feelings impediment
inevitable injury innovation instigator
intense interesting interpersonal intimidating
irritate justice leadership learning
legitimacy liberating listening loss of control
mad manageable messy misreading
misunderstanding mobilizing natural necessary
needs negotiation non-conformity obstinacy
opportunity out of control pain painful
peace perception personality perspective
persuasion pettiness positive possibility
problem solving progress relationships relief
resentment resignation resolution retaliation
revealing right/wrong risk risky
rough run from sad scary
searching signal solution status quo
stimulating stressful style success
synergy tension tough tricky
trust turmoil unavoidable uncertainty
uncomfortable uncooperative understanding violence
withdraw yelling
If you are able to see possible upsides of conflict, you may be more willing to deal with it when it occurs. It is still necessary to learn effective conflict management techniques to address it effectively, but at least your attitudes may no longer get in your way of trying to manage it.We encourage people to consider how their descriptions of conflict may influence the way they act when conflict emerges. People who look at conflict as a negative thing often say that they tend to avoid dealing with it. This is not a surprise given that people usually avoid negative things.
